Book Thought Of The Day: Double-Standards For Sons And Daughters?


The weather’s getting ugly, it is getting cold, the daylight hours are ever so elusive, so I’m stuck indoors. That’s the bad news.

The good news is that maybe I can get more reading done.

Today, I’m reading Don’t Hate The Player, Learn The Game – How To Spot Ineligible Eligible Bachelors, by Lyn Lewis.

Lyn makes a point early on in the book that we often develop and approve the player mentally as parents. Therefore, we lay the soil in which the idea of having multiple relationships is acceptable for boys but not for girls. Her example goes something like this:

Son comes home from school and says, “I have five girlfriends!” Dad says, “See, he’s a chip off the old block!” Mom says, “I’m so happy to hear that you are so popular!”

Daughter comes home from school and says, “I have three boyfriends!” Dad says, “It’s not right for a girl to have three boyfriends and you are not even allowed to think about dating until your 18…”. Mom reinforces dad’s comments (after he likely storms away) and says that it isn’t lady-like for a girl to have that many boyfriends as only certain type of women have many boyfriends.

Does that scenario sound familiar? Has a similar scene played out in your home or the home you grew up in?

Lewis’s point is simple. At a very early age, we teach our sons that the more girls he “has”, the better he is as a “man”. Yet when it comes to our daughters, that same behavior is seen with disdain. My show Good Times even highlighted this fact. Let me take some of you back to a promiscuous JJ, who throughout the series was known for having his mind on nothing but girls, juggling one after another. James would come along with that infamous grin and laugh as he saw JJ’s ability with the ladies as an extension of us own masculinity as well. However, when Thelma came in talking about being in love and getting married to Larry, the reaction was, “Girl, what do you know about love?” James blew up, Florida had to calm him down and well, look at his classic reaction to the “nice guy” that his daughter wanted:

Leveling the playing field is not the solution and has never worked in the past. It’s beyond the scope of this article to prove why this is the case. But for now, I’d like to encourage you to examine whether you are creating a player in your home? Are we reinforcing a mentality that tells men that the more women you have, the better? To our daughter are we saying, “You can’t do what the player does, but consider it an honor if he chooses you as one of his girls.”

Are You Strong Enough To Handle The Dude That’s Trying To Date Your Daughter? Do You Have That “Ole Dude Strength”?

When I was a young man growing up, I got into a few fights. I can say that I only lost one, and that was to Charlie Brown when I was about 7 or 8 years old. It’s hard to imagine my 8-year old Big Homie getting into a fight, but I guess we had to really grow up fast in my ‘hood.

But what’s really funny, is that over the years, my dad probably got into just as many fights with the neighborhood kids as I did. He didn’t allow foolishness, swearing or bullying around his house or his children. After a while, cats in the neighborhood appreciated the fact that my Ole Dude didn’t play. He once even chased the thug that stole the bike he “made” (I wish I had pics, that bad-boy had a steering wheel!) for blocks, hurdling fences like an Olympic hurdler, before the dude just gave up and dropped the bike to flee for his life.

Smart decision.

That’s Ole Dude strength and determination right there.

But what about today? First, IF dad even has a presence in the home, would he even be able to physically protect his children or wife? Could you be like James Evans in your house? For my fellow Good Time aficionados  you know nobody was coming into that house and whipping James. Where are the men like that on TV? Now-a-days, it is the woman of the home doing the protecting and dad is sitting there looking like Homer Simpson.

Good example

Bad Example

So, that’s why I thought the goals below by strength coach Dan John were a great idea for CSDs to set for themselves. To give us “Ole Dudes” a good bar to shoot towards in the gym. Most of us aren’t doing manual labor jobs like our parents, but we sit on our tails all day and the research is mounting that office jobs are taking years off of our lives. Plus, when we were younger, we might have exercised to look a certain way, impress a young lady or something, but now that we are older, it’s also about being healthy and having so-called “functional strength”.

…and yes, you still need to look good for your wife as well. If you want her looking as good as she did when you got married, how close are you to that wedding picture?

But I digress…here’s what Dan John recommends:

Expected: Body weight bench press
Game Changer: Body weight bench press for 15 reps

Expected: 8-10 pull-ups
Game Changer: 15 pull-ups

Expected: Body weight squat
Game Changer: Body weight squat for 15 reps

Expected: Body weight to 150% bodyweight deadlift
Game Changer: Double body weight deadlift

Loaded Carry (Farmer Walk)
Expected: Farmer Walk with total body weight (half per hand)
Game Changer: Body weight per hand

Personally, I think these are great CSD goals to set.  Perhaps you can get an early start on your ’13 New Year’s resolution?

In a few years, some young man is going to likely try to ask to date my daughter (may I recommend Voddie Baucham’s book, What He Must Be: If He Wants To Marry My Daughter hear how we’ll likely deal with this in my house) and I want him to understand that not only do I have a mental and spiritual presence in my house, but a physical one as well.

Now some of you reading this may think I’m being shallow and that’s fine. But I remember meeting fathers when I was a young man who were scared of their daughter’s date and their little-girl knew it. She knew dad would not come looking for her if she was in trouble and that he could not protect her from that abusive boyfriend or predator.

However, my dad proved to many fools that “Old Man Strength”, was not a myth.

Now it’s my turn.

So, how close are you to the goals above? Let me know!

Thankfully, I think today (at the seasoned age of 42, 5’11 and 210 lbs.), I can go in the gym and hit the Game Changer on the Pull-Up, Squat and Deadlift. But getting the Bench Press and Farmers Walk are going to take some work for me as I’m only at the Expected level.

If we get a good response, perhaps we can turn this into a CSD-team goal for 2013! We could post workout recommendations, monitor progress, etc. What do you think? I’d love to hear your story!

Just because we’re getting older and we can’t do all of the things we did at 22, we have more motivation to push now than we ever did back then, those precious God-given gifts that He has made us protectors over.

My Rack Pull weight, but getting this off the floor as a true Deadlift may be a bit more difficult!