
The Furious lesson of the day for my Sons:
“How do I judge a woman’s character? I see how she treats people WHO CAN DO NOTHING FOR HER. This test has never failed me.
– The Book of Pook
“How do I judge a woman’s character? I see how she treats people WHO CAN DO NOTHING FOR HER. This test has never failed me.
– The Book of Pook
Men – I certainly haven’t been around much at Furious Fathering. Homeschooling, shifting home priorities and the focus on becoming a better man for 2017 has made me cut my computer usage dramatically. Too much time on the keyboard and not enough time building a better life and relationships were impacting my world.
That said, I’m going to let some of you guys know that I’m not going to be mixing words very much on this page. I’ve been a bit cautious in what I say to not alienate anyone, but that’s about to change. There are too many men, especially young fathers, that need the straight truth, because no one is really giving it to them, and no one ever gave it to me. I cannot sit idly by and address the issues the same way many in society do every day. In the end, it is producing wimpy men that do not deserve to have their kids, because they will produce little skinny jean wearing confused “men” that will soon be used to destroy the rest of our community. Also, their special “baby momma” will have her ego fed even more and pull the same lame but effective game on the next guy she traps, urrrr loves, or needs as she’s hitting 30 and realizing nobody is checking for her anymore. So it’s time to settle down with that “nice guy”.
Are you that guy?
So if you aren’t ready for some iron-sharpen-iron discussions, you may want to drop out. If you think your life will be better if your special little snowflake that trapped you and pumped out your golden egg came back to you, you might wanna drop out. If you don’t want to see comments that rebuke the belief that your wife or your momma are the next best thing to Mary mother of Jesus, you might want to bounce. You’ve been warned. However, if you want to stay around and see where things go, challenge and exchange, then let’s get Furious with this dialogue, and become/build a better place for real father’s to come and learn how to lead.
Today it has been one year since my father-in-law (FIL) made his transition to eternity. My wife wanted to spend the day at the city zoo because that was one of the places he would meet her and the kids during the day for outings. I took the day off of work, gave the kids the day off of school (reason, 32,499 to homeschool), and dedicated this as a memorial day for his life, especially because it has been a year after his passing.
Make Your Own Family Holidays and Memorial Days
Monday, my main hustle gave us the day off to honor President’s Day. I decided to work and take today off instead. First, History.com describes Presidents day as, “Originally established in 1885 in recognition of President George Washington, it is still officially called “Washington’s Birthday” by the federal government. Traditionally celebrated on February 22—Washington’s actual day of birth—the holiday became popularly known as Presidents’ Day after it was moved as part of 1971’s Uniform Monday Holiday Act, an attempt to create more three-day weekends for the nation’s workers.” Personally, I’ve never been a fan of celebrating someone who would have me working on the plantation as a slave if they were alive today, and my family does not celebrate many of this nation’s holidays because they really are not for us. It is said that Mr. Washington “owned” over 300 “slaves” at the time of his death. After he died, I’m sure he had a good reason before the Creator of Man how he could own something that he did not create, and whether or not he treated them justly as human beings. Therefore, we ignored this day (notice that as with most “holidays” as well, honoring the person isn’t the primary reason, but monetary gain to the nation), and decided to give a day to someone who really meant something in our lives.
I would like to encourage all of the Furious Fathers to consider doing the same. First, consider some significant days in your life or the anniversary dates of impactful moments and people in your life. Maybe it’s the birth/death of your parents or friends that are no longer with us. Maybe it’s the anniversary of a significant family event or for some men, just taking their kid’s birthdays off would be a great start. Whatever you can find, I encourage you to give it a try. This is a great time for the family to come together in the evening for a meal, and reflect on why the day is special, handing down memories and lessons from the one honored or from an event, all with the intention of helping shape your family’s present and future.
Seven Lessons from My Father-In-Law
On that note, allow me to share with you seven lessons that I learned from my father-in-law, as I reflected on our relationship today.
Here’s the 1957 Detroit Tigers Opening Day line-up! Source: Baseball-reference.com
The last testosterone producing ride my FIL owned…that had to go because of my wife
When my FIL talked about the R8, you could hear the excitement in his voice
I don’t know.
Now I wonder, what DO I have to complain about?
That’s why we honor my FIL today and it’s good to think about the wisdom he passed down to me.
Other meaningless holidays come and go, but tomorrow, I’ll wake up thinking, “Thank you Good Lord for waking me up, and giving me a good day.”
First let me say, I LOVE RAAN! The Reformed African American Network is a site I wish I would have found before having my last “black-white” church experience. If you cannot read the article, at least check out the podcast HERE , as Jemar Tisby touches on many of the same issues from the article. Let me also mention that this podcast touched on the Flint water poisoning that was allowed by the state of Michigan, and I highly encourage you to read more about that HERE.
What do the Oscars have to do with Evangelicals? Check out the article at RAAN. For me, these two statements pack a powerful punch that makes the connection amidst the latest controversy:
“With such a small group of African Americans, it can feel like the concerns of minorities get swallowed up by the issues most pertinent to the majority. But it’s not just that African Americans might not be heard, they are also opposed.”
“When I try to bring up certain topics like systemic racism, the backlash is breathtaking. Comments on blog posts or social media show that deep cultural and racial differences still divide the church. After citing some statistics in a Facebook post about perceptions of police brutality between whites and blacks, one commenter wrote, “Why is this even a thing[?] I believe that the acts of police brutality are connected by sin. Pure evil that is moving across this nation…Look at what’s it’s saying, ‘white people this, white people that!’ If they are Christians then they are our brothers. Why are we placing a sense of racism in the midst of our brothers.”
“If the insensitivity continues, black Christians, like black actors and the Oscars, may leave majority white evangelical contexts. Recall that separate white and black congregations did not arise because of doctrinal differences. They came about because whites refused to treat blacks as full members of the body of Christ.”
I must add, that during the podcast, Jemar made a point that really resonated with me. To paraphrase, he noted that if you’re black in a majority white congregation, in the back of your head you are always wondering, “Should I stay or should I go?” Do you stay to help change things and suffer a bit from your own community and the majority congregation, or do you just go be with your own people group?
Wow…that brother doesn’t know how much that hit home.
As I look back over the last four years, I realize that God taught me some things through that experience. My family recently relocated and left a congregation a few months ago that was predominately “white”, with only a hand-count of African, Latino and Asian-Americans respectively. The numbers were far less of an issue, as the main challenge was the White-American culture. It was a culture where patriotism morphed into nationalism in certain classes, and Facebook comments revealed white-supremacy hearts of many attendees, amidst dialogues concerning the numerous racial conflicts impacting this country over the last five years.
I began wondering if I had joined the right church, but at the wrong time. Theologically, this church was exactly what I wanted for me and my family. But with so much going on in this country and my own proclivity to race, class, and social justice issues, the problems were abundantly clear. Once I started transcending pleasantries with my “brothers and sisters in Christ” between services or “praise and worship” and church announcements, I was more like a foster child that needed to fit into their household or get out. If I was really nice (or as I interpreted, “a good Negro”), I could stay and have friends.
Understand that the church leadership had a desire to change the culture, which was extremely encouraging, but even they were embarking into new territory and was leaning on God’s wisdom to change the culture of the church and make non-whites in the community feel welcomed. In the end, and I’ll fill in details if necessary in the future, I moved feeling determined to never join another “white” church and just desired to abandon speaking about the issue to those I (notice the personal pronoun usage) deemed hopeless (okay, I’ll say racist or at least apathetic to race).
In this short time, I discovered RAAN and have had circumstances to bring this issue to the forefront of my family’s Christian walk yet again. So I can’t stop and won’t stop, and I’m so glad RAAN and some other websites/resources exist to confirm that being black, a Believer, theologically sound, and care for social justice are not all mutually exclusive topics. But they highlight the real diversity that exists in the Body of Christ and give us more in common with those early Christians that were outsiders, proclaiming the gospel to a world that had no problem with keeping the status-quo.
So I highly recommend the article and for my brothers and sisters in ethnicity that are also my family in Christ that are struggling with this issue, I hope you find comfort, strength and wisdom as I did.
Enjoy!
In upcoming podcasts, I’m going to touch on sports and its impact on our dreams, our children, and our parenting. Dr. Boyce Watkins of Your Black World and Financial Juneteenth, breaks down exactly where I plan to go on the topic. (If you can’t see the video, click HERE).
Although many parents still claim, “grades before games” or “we just play to learn important life lessons”, my years as both an athlete, trainer of athletes, and kids who have played a combined 40 years (that is a lot of mileage racked up on my cars and body carrying folding chairs) tell me other wise. For many, when that child shows athletic skill that transcends the average, and whispers begin, “…they could even get a scholarship”, “scouts may be coming to the school to see them play…” and the goal changes.
As I’ve discussed before, the idea for us to homeschool our children came from one of my athletes. It was at that moment I learned that many athletes, like celebrities, get homeschooled to take advantage of personal training and coaching. For some reason, the “what about socialization” question goes out the door, and in comes the “you have to do what you have to do to get to the top!”
Now for parents of black athletes, they really must make a conscious effort to put each opportunity in perspective.
How much of our child’s life are you willing to give to the school?
Are you willing to let them do anything to your son or daughter, just because they promise them a chance to the professional level?
Is some coach promising to be “dad”, when YOU are the father?
What is your child focusing on right now, athletics or academics?
What will your child do with his or her life if they do not make it to the professional level?
So check out Boyce and his other projects as well, as I’ll be promoting more of his great work that continues to expand.
In the comments below, I’d love to hear any stories you have on athletes that you know that beat, or were beaten, by the system.
You know…I wonder how many people thought this teacher was “playing the race card” or just “looking for a check” when she brought this issue up? Much respect to her for standing up!
http://www.azfamily.com/story/31041472/former-teacher-responds-to-racial-outrage-at-valley-school
Actually, I think the students have learned a lot during their years in the government’s school. They said it was a mistake.
Therefore, it was something they really didn’t mean to do, it “just happened”.
Sounds like evolution and the big bang doesn’t it?
By random chance, they were in the right place, at the right time, got in the right order,…
Yep, graduate those ladies with honors!
But, why do I love Homeschooling?
Because this is required reading and not Huckleberry Finn, Romeo and Juliet, Oliver Twist, etc…and we can have lecture while walking on a beautiful January day. American History, English, Sociology and Physical Education all rolled up nice, neat and POWERFUL.
Thankfully, the teacher seems to have read the pages of Carter G. Woodson’s timeless classic.
Sadly, the students nor their parents have done the same.
Now, I must ask, would your kids pose in such a photo with their friends…and are you sure about the answer?
Ask them…
P.S. – Tell Stacey Dash to check it out as well so she’ll see why he created Black History Month.
CSD
After a long time away, I’m finally back with a podcast.
But not just any podcast, but a mix to my grandson J-ICE.
Old-school hip-hop heads know that bouncing with some hard beats is always a challenge, even with rap pre-1995. My son likes to roll with tunes that were out when he was still in a car seat, and is now facing that challenge when he’s rolling with my grandson.
I’ll post up the playlist pretty soon, but for now, just turn up that bass, grab the kids, grab your bible, and lets ride…
Click: J-ICE Mix
CSD