This isn’t quite a guest post, but I’d like to introduce you to someone else who pops over every now-and-then.

His name: MadPappa

MadPappa is a guy who spent his years as a young man in the system. Not the criminal system, but the family court system.

He says you get treated about the same way a criminal does in the former, which is why he’s such a mad man.

So I now introduce to you, MadPappa.

The lesson I want to teach young men or men who don’t want to pay attention to the advice of Johnnie Taylor when he said, “It’s cheaper to keep her”, is that they need to understand The Formula. What formula is that you ask? Your states child support formula.

The average length of a male orgasm is 10-15 seconds. As my mentor and professor Dr. Lyn Lewis once asked the class, “Are you willing to let those few seconds determine your life?” Men must ask themselves, “Is THIS really worth it?”

Thankfully, there are websites that can help us put a price tag on the “fun”.

Check out: http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/

Look up your state, use the calculator, and see if you can absorb that child support amount into your current monthly budget?

So I used Ohio as a sample state for you nice guys. Of course your stats may vary, but below you can see my input variables:

Under this scenario your monthly support order will be approximately $521

Oh, you say, “I can’t pay that with the money I make!”

That’s cool. The court will keep a balance. Just make sure you don’t get pulled over, renew your license or have your name “run” in any other manner, because in a state like Michigan, the penalty for doing so is:

Michigan Support Enforcement Measures

If a non-custodial parent does not pay child support, he or she is subject to enforcement measures in accordance with Federal and Michigan child support law to collect regular and past-due payments.

• Income withholding orders – new employers are identified through new hire reporting and notified to withhold income
• Medical support to notice provide for a specific dollar amount to be deducted for medical purposes
• State and federal tax offset
• Lein/levy process against real or personal property, and/or financial assets
• Professional licenses, driver’s licenses and hunting and fishing licenses can be revoked
• Reporting to a consumer credit reporting agency
• Bench warrant may be issued, which requires a dollar amount be paid prior to release

Source: http://www.supportcollectors.com/resources_michigan.php

Now, I’m not going to go into all the other variables like how this balance affects the relationship with the mother of your child, which will affect the relationship with your child, your visitation (right or wrong, money effects physical presence), the relationship with your employers as they will know your business when those tax forms get sent in or if they are told to garnish your wages (yea, that gets real embarrassing when you didn’t know it was coming, you start trippin’ out to HR about how your check was short, and they tell you why and you’re like, “Oh, okay…thanks.” sniff-sniff). My fingers are getting tired typing in all the dynamics that come into play.

So what are those seconds worth to you? I’m sure the CSDCFF (check that out here) ratio doesn’t exactly come out in your favor on this one.

Sorry to have to break it down to dollars and cents, but it was advice nobody ever gave or told me. This blog is all about being a great father, but there are still very real consequences to behavior. You need to calculate the literal costs sometimes before you do what it takes to become a father.

Things aren’t all “love-love” like a woman’s romance novel and ladies, you go from being a dime-piece before/during those 10-seconds of euphoria to a Zimbabwe dollar (A roll of toilet paper in Zimbabwe costs $145,750, which is about 69 American cents) when you both are fighting over child support, visitation and why that other girlfriend/boyfriend is doing ___ in front of “my child”.

Also, that $521/month may go up or down depending on whether you have other arrears (like from the baby’s birth which can easily be 10k), you make more money (I feel for you cats with seasonal gigs or who are in sales where your income fluctuates yearly because getting your support amount lowered during those periods will be like getting a raise on your job).

If any of you other fellas have learned this lesson, please comment below. MadPappa will feel good knowing that his advice may save one guy with The Formula.