“On average, US couples spend $26,542 for their wedding. However, the majority of couples spend between $19,907 and $33,178. This does not include cost for a honeymoon or engagement ring.”
“People will spend $30,000 on a wedding, but when you ask them about having children the first thing they will say is, “We can’t afford children.””
Seems like Americans are investing in the wrong area.
I wonder if those who attended those $30,000 weddings and complained about the dress, food, friends/relatives, etc., will take care of the couple when they get older as well.
Believe it or not, there was a time when people didn’t worry about whether they could afford children or not…even when they couldn’t afford much of anything else.
At the beach enjoying the children, but it hasn’t always been this easy! In this episode, I have the most beautiful co-host in the world, my wife. We tell a little bit about us and how our lives have changed with every child that we have been blessed with. We didn’t always see it as a blessing, but thank God he knows better than we do.
Feel free to email me at: cornerstonedadpodcast@gmail.com and leave your comments about the show or tell us how your life has changed with your children. Have things gone exactly the way you’ve expected them to go? Let us know!
As I have stated in the past, the neighborhood I grew up in wasn’t the worst, but it wasn’t the greatest either. On a scale of 1 (great) and 10 (horrible), Suburbanites would have put it at about an 8 while those with street knowledge would have probably ranked it a 6. Yet, my suburban church and schoolmates always made me feel like my neighborhood and the dark-skinned people that looked like me were rotten to the core, unable to govern themselves or control their lust for violence and depravity. Even as an adult now, I still hear the comments with many I interact with at church, my neighborhood, school and work.
I remember seeing this movie by Eddie Murphy (back when nearly everything he touched turned to gold, well, except this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_HkH-plx7U) called Trading Places where he played a guy named Valentine, a street-hustler. This movie taught me a lesson about a concept that even has an anthem and I continue to believe in to this day:
The World Is A Ghetto
The dominant color group in America tends to associate violent acts with those in the minority color groups. Dan Ackroyd demonstrated in Trading Places that under the right circumstances, even the rich would rob, steal and kill to “make ends meet”.
In the movie, Rudulph Duke delivered the punch-line, “We took a perfectly useless psychopath like Valentine, and turned him into a successful executive. And during the same time, we turned an honest, hard-working man into a violently, deranged, would-be killer!”
But long before, the book of Proverbs stated:
7Two things I ask of you;
deny them not to me before I die:
8Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither poverty nor riches;
feed me with the food that is needful for me,
9lest I be full and deny you
and say, “Who is the LORD?” or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God.
The words of Agur son of Jakeh
Proverbs 30:7-9
English Standard Version (ESV)
While Agur was a man of God, he knew that things could get so bad in his life that he might become a criminal (or “hustle” as many say in today’s world) in order to survive.
“Survival” is relative as millions more know the difference in not having the means to get food and water, and not having food and water.
So why is the world a ghetto? Because no matter how nice your suburb, from an infrastructure and social perspective, understand that your neighborhood would be the same way as that “ghetto” if you had the same problems. Publicly, the only reason many areas are not considered even worse is because of the free-pass many in the suburbs are given because, “We never thought something like this would happen out here…”. Two weeks later “it” happens again and someone’s on the local news saying, “Things like this just never happen out here…”
Now, how do I know? Because as a child I went to school in a blue-collar middle-class suburban neighborhood and to church in a suburban affluent neighborhood. As an adult, I’ve worked mostly and now live in a middle-class suburban neighborhood. I’ve heard the comments and carefully observed the changes, and there is a great hypocrisy.
So this was just an introduction to a series of future installments titled: The World Is A Ghetto, which will highlight the hypocrisy. The ghetto isn’t just your local big city with abandoned buildings, crackheads, assaults and burglaries. Yes, where you and I live has those same “ghetto” tendencies lying dormant in our city’s DNA (to my siblings, DNA stands for Deoxyribonucleic Acid).
Now the lessons for CornerstoneDads? Teach your children that they are not less prone to sin against God and others because of the shade of their skin or where they live.
If you disagree, lets just take a little test, as you may be saying, “We’ve pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps and worked hard for everything unlike those other folks…we arebetter than they are!”
Dad, have you ever stolen anything? You know, something from work or your neighbor? How about that item that you never returned when you could have numerous times, but you said, “They won’t miss it.”
Dad, have you ever lied? You know, to the government (after all, taxes are just plain “wrong”), to your insurance carrier (is it really fair that they charge so much and you’ve never filed a claim?)
If you answered yes to the above, and I know you did because you’re an honest guy, that means you and I are no different than the folks in the “ghetto” that lie, cheat and steal. While the victims may be different, the rationale and sin is not.
You need a Savior, and money, “values”, and tradition will not save you.
I didn’t even touch on so-called “white collar” crime that reign supreme in the suburbs. The bottom line is that crime happens everywhere. Regardless of a city’s dominant color group or social class, people will rob, steal, kill, not remove the snow or cut the grass at your local ball field, etc. if the social conditions were set just right and money gets tight.
A policeman put it best when he reflected the lawlessness experienced in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. “People would be surprised at how little separates us from complete anarchy in this country.”
Nope, I’ve studied human behavior for quite some time now, I wouldn’t be surprised at all.
Check out the video below on the new “thang”, Flash Robberies…and I don’t think they were stealing to survive.
Perhaps it’s a sunny day outside or maybe you’re making a “where-to-go” list for your vacation. You or the First Lady of the home recommends going to X-park or Y-event and if you’re like me, your mind starts calculating…(hit dream sequence music), For all of us to go that’s $25 per ticket x 7 equals $175 and we’ll only be there 5 hours, so really that’s $35 per hour of entertainment/activity. I don’t make that much at work per hour!”
Now let me introduce the CornerstoneDad-Cost-to-Fun-Factor (CCFF)! During the summer, my family hates to spend time inside the house. I don’t even like to visit other people if I know all we’re going to do is sit inside on a bright sunny day. Therefore, we tend to be a bit more loose with the entertainment envelope as we seek out places to take the kids without breaking the entire budget. Please still understand, If It’s Free, It’s Me! That’s still this CornerstoneDad’s motto, but sometimes you just have to unfold the wallet and do what you have to do for the family, something you already know as a CornerstoneDad.
So again, here’s our equation:
1.) Price per ticket x number of tickets = Total Cost
2.) Total Cost / Length of Time having fun = Total Cost per Hour (or minute depending how you far you want to calculate)
3.) Whatever the result, that decides whether we go or not.
Now for an example:
Major League baseball game tickets for decent seats run about $40 per ticket. A game lasts about 3 hours. So for all 7 of us to attend a game, the CCFF is over $93! If I include the $10 for parking (we’re not parking close, we all need the exercise anyway), $5 for a program, and my kids already know I do not stand for being gouged at the concession stand, that bumps the CCFF up over $98. Now you all know I’m a baseball fan all the way through, but it’s hard for me to justify paying that much money to watch a bunch of millionaires play ball when, like LeBron James reminded me, when I wake up tomorrow I’ll have my same problems (like financial ones) and they will be just fine.
Now the CCFF does not take into account other factors that may make an unreasonable high score a trip to consider. If my children have never attended a baseball game or there was a special team/player that they wanted to see, I may just shell out the cash. But where it comes in handy is reflected in a trip to an amusement park. The total between parking and tickets was around $140 (Twilight rate but only from 5-10pm) for a CCFF of $29. Now, if we would have done the typical all-day trip, the CCFF would have been around $40. Therefore, we went after 5pm, did not have to buy food and just wander around the park to get our money’s worth. The best part, the park was less crowded and the kids were still able to ride the “necessary” roller coasters.
You know...when you get older, you sure start thinking about a lot more "what ifs" when you're riding coasters!
Now how about you? Do you use something like the CCFF with your family and how have the results been? Has it worked out well? If not, give it a try and let us know the results.
Happy Father’s Day if you’re teaching that child in the ways of the Lord
Happy Father’s Day if you’re spending time with your child, getting in “Just 15 Minutes”
Happy Father’s Day if you have one on the way!
Happy Father’s Day if you go to work everyday to make that money to take care of your children and you hate your job
Happy Father’s Day if you at least try to make as many games as you can even when you’re tired and just want to relax after a hard day’s work
Happy Father’s Day if you’re steadily looking for work to provide for your family and hustling in any legal way to can
Happy Father’s Day for those men in the military that hang in there after missing so many years of their children’s lives, but do all they can to still make sure they impact their lives
Happy Father’s Day if you can’t remember the last book you read because you’re always spending time with your kids
Happy Father’s Day if you have a lock on your bedroom door, because you understand the importance of spending time with your wife as well
Happy Father’s Day if you were determined not to let your child grow up without a dad, despite what went through your head when your “baby’s momma” said, “I’m pregnant.”
Happy Father’s Day if you still worked hard despite the fact that child support was going to take a sizable part of your paycheck…and it didn’t take THAT much to raise a child
Happy Father’s Day if you traded in your sports/musclecar for a minivan
Happy Father’s Day if you fought kids for your kids, when your kids did not know how
Happy Father’s Day to my man James Evans!!! Definitely a guy who taught me how to be a better dad.
Happy Father’s Day if don’t know what it’s like to get holiday gifts, because it’s all about the kids
Happy Father’s Day if you’ve fought to see your kids in court, whether they wanted to see you or not
Happy Father’s Day if you hug your kids and tell them you love them on a regular basis
Happy Father’s Day if you are homeless, but still make an effort to stay involved in your kid’s life
Happy Father’s Day if the mother of your child aborted the baby you wanted, because it’s her body…but it takes two to make a baby
Happy Father’s Day if whatever you’re fixing takes twice as long so you can let your kids help
Happy Father’s Day if you know the real meaning of “I need” a larger car or house…it means that no more people can fit, not I just want more space
Happy Father’s Day if you’re raising or helping to raise your grandchildren!
Happy Father’s Day if you’re going to church today, and the preacher will give a sermon about how “men need to step up!”, while on Mother’s Day he preached, “Mother’s need to be honored…”
Happy Father’s Day if you take your kids around your city, state, and even country because a vacation isn’t time spent away from the family, but time spent with the family
Happy Father’s Day if you’re homeschooling your kids, because unlike other teachers, you don’t get time off and the pay is even worse
Happy Father’s Day if you know that if you die now, there are very few things you could say, “I wish I would’ve done _____ with my kids.”
Happy Father’s Day CornerstoneDad’s and Happy Father’s Day to my dad!
Today, Mr. October Reggie Jackson turned 65 years old. My dad recently turned nearly the same age at almost the same time. Reggie Jackson is a lover of muscle cars, my dad is as well. Reggie Jackson’s public persona seems extremely complex. Well, my dad’s public and private personas are complex as well. Reggie seemed to be one who did not believe in turning the other cheek. My dad’s advice to me was always throw the first punch because you don’t know if he’ll lay you out with his first blow. Reggie was born in Pennsylvania, my dad’s relatives are in Pennsylvania (okay, that one’s a stretch but I still counted it as a kid!).
But there is one glaring difference between the two men. Reggie made his fame and fortune from baseball and my dad hated sports. He made his fame at home and his fortune in the plant. Both men got dirty and worked with their hands, but in two very different ways.
Yet, had it not been for my father, I never would have looked up to “the straw that stirs the drink” (and Reggie did not mean that the way the reporter told it by the way).
Despite the fact that my dad never liked sports, he never discouraged my passion for baseball. As a matter of fact, two things he taught me early on that I’ve carried for over 30 years:
1.) Do not cheer for the home team, because they are losers.
2.) Look at Reggie, and how he handles himself, and that’s how you must handle yourself in this world.
Dad knew the impact the ‘hood could have had on me. While we weren’t exactly living in the projects, many of the problems of the projects existed, just in a cleaner neighborhood. Selling drugs, or what we called “rollin'”, was still the fastest way for a kid to make a lot of money and have a lot of girls fast. Shootings across the street from our house were common along with break-ins, car theft, and fighting. Thankfully, we also had many parents working solid middle-class jobs to always keep the neighborhood a float. Since they weren’t allowed to move into traditional white suburbs, they were forced to stay in their own community so in many ways, it benefited us all as a whole.
What we also had commercially, was a lack of black athletes on television when they were not on the field. But when dad saw how Reggie mastered the King’s English and commanded respect for his knowledge of the game and demeanor, he was wise to tell me to observe. Reggie often commentated for ABC in the ’70s and ’80s if the Yankees were out of the playoffs.
Little did I know at that time that one day I would have to at least know many of the rules of the King’s English as well when I grew up. I would also have to not be the “typical nigga or black guy” that many of my colleagues would expect me to be, just like Reggie. I would have to talk a certain way at job interviews, avoid being labeled and yet stand up for myself and prove that I deserved to be in that class or office and not because of Affirmative Action. At the same time, I would have to be just as complex, for people in America have a hard time understanding how you can be pro-black and yet marry someone of a different race. I’m sure Reggie ran into this as to some black folks, Reggie was a sell-out with his proper talking, candy bars, and white girls. But Reggie seemed to always make sure that he represented himself and the black community well. He spoke out about teams that did not have enough black players and even advised former teammate Willie Randolph not to take the Detroit Tiger job. They were the worst of the worst in Major League baseball. Reggie threw out the question the black community always asks, “Why do we only get the job/call/White House when things cannot get any worse? That’s just setting us up to fail!”
I can’t say I idolized Reggie. The man never put food on my table, but he did wave at me when I yelled his name at a California Angels game…he did…really! I’ve memorized many of his stats, read his autobiography, visited the Baseball Hall of Fame to have my picture taken with his bust, and even named one of my kids after him. But my fascination with Mr. Jackson was never about him, but about what he represented. He was a man of class, determination, dependable, clutch-performer, and he danced to the beat of his own drum all the while paying homage to those like Robinson, Aaron, and Mays that bought the drum.
So dad, who are you allowing to influence your son? Is it a street pimp, a corporate pimp, a drug-dealer, or a prescription drug-dealer? Do those people reflect the values that you want your son to have or the values that you have or at least want to have?
Understand this, somebody and something will influence your boys. You better take advantage of the time that you have to determine what kind of influence that will be. I’m glad my dad had the insight to do that when I was younger. While I’m no where near the man that I wanted to be, I’m no where near the man I could have been.
In my house, we just celebrated three birthdays over a ten day span. I’m broke from buying gifts, fat from cake and ice cream, and I feel old as Methuselah. But my kids hit me with a few sayings that I, and you, may want to remember the next time we celebrate our birthday.
I told Boney that Daddy’s girl was getting older.
“Daddy”, she immediately replied, “I’m not getting older, I’m getting BIGGER!”
Yea kid, that’s the same for the rest of us and really becomes the case after 35.
My boy, aka the Large Professor, turned 12 years old. I asked him how it felt to be 12 and I was quite surprised at his response. “It feels good, and I’m glad that God let me live to be 12.”
No, not that Large Professor...although LP and the Main Source said some things to make the listener think as well.
Wow, I wasn’t expecting that.
He later went on to explain that since God still has allowed him to live, he must have more for him to do on this earth, and he wants to do what God wants him to do…and one thing he knows is that God does not want him to fall away from him.
I told him that his work is only beginning.
How about you?
Are you just getting bigger each birthday and just “living”, or are you doing the work God has for you to do?
6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (NIV)
4 Fathers,do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
While 13 sounds young enough to make headlines, in many areas of this country, that would not seem too surprising...even less if it's a 13 year old girl!
We often talk about generations of “babies raising babies” in the context of a young mother raising a baby, who later becomes a teenage mom herself. However, what about “junior raising junior”, as in a young father raising a son, who becomes a teenage-father?
An article published at the Yale Office of Public Affairs & Communications (http://opac.yale.edu/news/article.aspx?id=7208) reports that the Yale School of Public Health found sons of adolescent fathers are nearly twice as likely to perpetuate the cycle of young parenthood and become teenage dads themselves. While the deleterious effects of teenage motherhood are well studied, often talked about and greatly feared, teenage-fatherhood if often viewed from a much different perspective. However, like teenage-motherhood, the decision to become a father unleashes challenges for both the father and the child.
Those on the outside looking in often ask, “How could this happen? Did the child not learn the lesson watching the struggles of the parent?”
The article gives some indication as to why the cycle continues. ““The mechanism of this intergenerational cycle remains unclear. However, research suggests that parents are a major factor in shaping adolescent attitudes and often communicate their values and expectations through their behavior,” Sipsma said.”
In other words young dad, your actions speak louder than your words.
In upcoming posts we will explore how to be a Teenage CornerstoneDad. It can be done, it is possible and I am a testimony to this fact. I became a father at 19 years old, while working a “deadend” job and still living with my parents. Suffice to say, it cost me far more than I would have ever imagined.
It will cost you far more than what you or any around you can imagine as well. Understand that I am not just talking about money. But, financially you will pay an enormous price as well.
We will also focus on the possibility of a tremendous payoff. This could be the opportunity of a lifetime for you to step up and be the man that you needed to learn how to be, albeit a bit early and before marriage.
If you are a teenage or even a single-father in your early 20’s, I would like to hear from you. Feel free to post your story in the comments section.
Won't take too strong of a wind to blow down this House of Cash...and how about yours?
Right after Thanksgiving, I told you my feelings about the culture’s push to encourage more-and-more Americans to get into debt. With reports of a possible “W” recession (by the same folks that told you to spend money) and little job security, you would think American’s would learn their lesson.
However, many did not. The Piper must be paid eventually.
Creditcards.com reported that personal bankruptcies rose eight percent in 2010. But the telling statement may have been the following:
“We have a situation that is nowhere near resolved right now,” given the continued sky-high unemployment rate and the millions who owe far more on their homes than their properties are worth, says David Jones, president of the Association of Independent Consumer Credit Counseling Agencies. On top of that, Jones worries about the reports of a robust 2010 holiday shopping season. “That’s going to hit home this month and next,” Jones says, fearing it will fuel bankruptcy filings in the first half of 2011.”
Over the last few years, a disturbing trend has been taking place in the American sports lexicon. Larry Johnson is “a man”, Adrian Peterson is “a man”, Albert Pujos is “a man”, and the list continues with each athlete that is hot at time the statement is made. First, no person should just be labelled “a man” because they can carry a football, hit somebody so hard their shoulders clap, or hit a baseball whenever and however they like. All of us should resist having our manhood based on what we do for a living and/or our physical abilities. Second, the trials and tribulations of someone like Larry Johnson prove that “a man” can act more like, “a boy” when it comes to off-field behavior and decision-making. Looks like many fantasy football fans spoke too soon on LJ.
LJ's four arrests and various assault charges against women proves that just because you're a TD machine, doesn't mean your acting like a man.
However, I caught the story of Keith Fitzhugh on ESPN recently, and I felt that this guy is truly “a man”. Keith Fitzhugh had an opportunity to play for the New York Jets this season, but instead chose to stay home, work a “regular job”, and take care of his parents. The NFL’s minimum salary is $320,000. I assume Fitzhugh would not collect all of that since he would have joined the team so late in the season. Yet, the Jets are almost a sure lock for making the playoffs and each playoff appearance and win would mean more money on top of his salary. It is one thing to turn down a job that would pay you $5,000 more if it did not offer you the security and flexibility you desired. But I never would have imagined someone doing it for probably more than 10 times their current salary and the fame of being a professional athlete. Also, rags-to-riches stories like Kurt Warner’s, are still fresh in our mind. The former grocery store bagger would later win MVP awards, a Super Bowl ring, and make four Pro Bowl appearances.
As a former grocery store worker myself, Kurt's story even inspires me!
May I also add, what does this say about his parents, specifically his disabled father? Can they be more proud of the son they raised and wisdom that goes beyond what most know at 24 years-of-age? Remember, being a CornerstoneDad is about being the anchor of your family. Regardless of age, your life is still a part of who they are, so when you are down, they are down and there to help you. That’s being relevant, that’s being a linchpin in your family, that’s being a patriarch, that’s being a CornerstoneDad. I wonder if Fitzhugh’s dad put work and money above his family? I do not know the answer, but the fact that Fitzhugh chose his father and mother over money and fame leaves a few clues.
Often when we read about the off-field exploits of professional athletes the focus is on scandalous behavior: drugs, alcohol, violence, infidelity. It was refreshing to read this week about former pro football player Keith Fitzhugh, who gained notoriety for doing something unexpected but commanded of us: honoring his father and mother.
With several players going down with injuries, the New York Jets desperately needed help in their defensive backfield as they looked to make a run at the Super Bowl. They knew Fitzhugh, who had been in their training camp the past two years only to be cut from the squad, so they rang him up with an offer to rejoin the team immediately. Granted, the Jets weren’t throwing tons of money at him or guaranteeing him a permanent spot on their roster; still, what 24-year-old who has dreamed of playing in the NFL wouldn’t jump at a chance to pull on the pads again and possibly play his way into a long-term deal?
But the former Mississippi State standout said no.
“I know the Jets have a great opportunity of making the Super Bowl, and that’s one dream that every child has is to play sports and make it to the Super Bowl or get to the World Series,” Fitzhugh told The Associated Press. “But, there’s a time when you have to think, ‘Hey, you’ve only got one mom and dad.’ They won’t be here forever, and while they’re here, you’ve got to cherish that time.”
After the Jets cut him prior to this season, Fitzhugh decided to head back home, land a steady job, and help take care of his mother and his father, who is unable to work because of a disability. He’s been a conductor for Norfolk Southern Railroad for the past three months.
“I’ve got something now where I know every two weeks I’m getting a paycheck,” said Fitzhugh, who had a brief stint with the Baltimore Ravens last December before re-signing with the Jets in the offseason. “I don’t want to let [Norfolk Southern] down or run from them because I got a shot for a couple of weeks. I just feel that that’s not right at the moment. I’m looking more long-term in life right now than the short-term.”
In talking to the press this week, Jets coach Rex Ryan reacted to Fitzhugh’s surprising decision: “That’s one of the reasons why we wanted that kid. He’s a tough guy. He’s a guy with a lot of character. He’s just a really outstanding young man. The decision that he made was a tough one for him, but I admire his decision.”
As we debate whether our children should look to athletes as role models, maybe we need to consider not only the superstars but those like Fitzhugh who make the tough call to put the quest for fame and fortune aside for something that’s much more lasting.
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12).
For all of us to go that’s $25 per ticket x 7 equals $175 and we’ll only be there 5 hours, so really that’s $35 per hour of entertainment/activity. I don’t make that much at work per hour!”
Furious Fathering 
