A Time For Change

Men – I certainly haven’t been around much at Furious Fathering. Homeschooling, shifting home priorities and the focus on becoming a better man for 2017 has made me cut my computer usage dramatically. Too much time on the keyboard and not enough time building a better life and relationships were impacting my world.

That said, I’m going to let some of you guys know that I’m not going to be mixing words very much on this page. I’ve been a bit cautious in what I say to not alienate anyone, but that’s about to change. There are too many men, especially young fathers, that need the straight truth, because no one is really giving it to them, and no one ever gave it to me. I cannot sit idly by and address the issues the same way many in society do every day. In the end, it is producing wimpy men that do not deserve to have their kids, because they will produce little skinny jean wearing confused “men” that will soon be used to destroy the rest of our community. Also, their special “baby momma” will have her ego fed even more and pull the same lame but effective game on the next guy she traps, urrrr loves, or needs as she’s hitting 30 and realizing nobody is checking for her anymore. So it’s time to settle down with that “nice guy”.

Are you that guy?

So if you aren’t ready for some iron-sharpen-iron discussions, you may want to drop out. If you think your life will be better if your special little snowflake that trapped you and pumped out your golden egg came back to you, you might wanna drop out. If you don’t want to see comments that rebuke the belief that your wife or your momma are the next best thing to Mary mother of Jesus, you might want to bounce. You’ve been warned. However, if you want to stay around and see where things go, challenge and exchange, then let’s get Furious with this dialogue, and become/build a better place for real father’s to come and learn how to lead.

CSD Ride Out: Welcome To Idlewild, Michigan

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The Streets of Idlewild

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How big was Idlewild? “By the 1950s and early 1960s, Idlewild reached the height of its popularity. During those years nearly 25,000 vacationers made their way to the community, temporarily overwhelmingly the permanent year-round population. During this era Idlewild boasted more than 300 black-owned businesses.” – Blackpast.org

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Looking forward to The Comeback!

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“Morton’s has been home to music greats such as Aretha Franklin, the Four Tops and Della Reese. Our comfortable, recently renovated guest rooms – some with kitchenettes – Great Room with adjoining large kitchen and cable TV, outdoor open space dotted with lawn chairs, picnic courtyard with umbrella tables and canopied patio are some of our attractions. We provide a warm, inviting place…”- http://www.michigan.org/property/morton-s-motel/

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“While the clubs attracted black patrons, they were often examples of interracial mingling. As one Idlewild resident recalled, the clubs filled to capacity every night, and on some nights, “there were more white people in there than blacks. It wasn’t about race, it was about fun…
Idlewild, like other all-black resorts, would not survive the civil rights movement. As formerly white-only clubs and resorts across the nation integrated in the late 1960s, Idlewild went into decline. Its clubs and hotels closed as blacks began to frequent other resorts.” –blackpast.org

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“Judith Griffin now lives in New Jersey, but her family would drive from Chicago to Idlewild resort in Michigan every summer. Griffin recalls one trip where her father—one of the few black gastroenterologists at that time—pulled over to save the lives of motorists in a very bad accident. ..Because of discrimination, families like Griffin’s were forced to use what was called “The Green Book.” It was a directory of stops that would serve African Americans on the road.” –http://wmuk.org/post/black-travel-during-jim-crow-illustrated-green-book

CSD Saying Happy Father’s Day With Never Released Before Content

First, Happy Father’s Day to all my CSDs out there!

You know, it seems just like yesterday. The years I spent as a single-dad when my son was between 10-15 years old were the worst compared to the other 13 years. During this time period, I was struggling financially and trying to finish school to earn my degree, with the hope of coming up in this land of milk-n-honey. I was also trying to provide for my other children that were being born with my wife and also going to work at various places meant days that never ended and stress that felt like I was carrying a weight 24/7.

My poor sociology teacher had to read all about my struggles, as I poured my heart out in essay after essay. My son was at an age where he could choose (he was not given that “right” by me, but by his mom and the court) whether he wanted to come over to my home or not, and oftentimes for various reasons, he would not. Perhaps the ultimate knife in my chest was when he told the referee that he did not want to come to my home, as there were too many rules, he did not have fun and all we did was go over his grandparent’s house. My heart stopped beating that day in the court room, as I was fighting to maintain the visitation rights that I fought for when he was just a baby. I thought, “And this is how I get paid back?” “I’m being treated worse than Cain who said, ‘It ain’t mine’ and bounced. For those who have seen Menace To Society, they know what I’m talking about.

But it was all of those experiences that moved me to create this blog years later.

The essay below was one that I wrote in 2001 for my Social Science Theory class. My superb professor had us all develop a theory by the end of the semester, as she knew that social and psychological theories that change the world are not only born when you have a Ph.D.. So it is in the environment above that I have described, that my Alliance Theory was born. When I performed my research for the paper (yes, done without the internet and we had just got a computer for me to type this on), I learned that my theory had basically been previously presented and was known as Parental Alienation Syndrome.

I’ve never shared this publicly, and I’m posting pictures of the essay until I can type a more recent edition. Therefore, you get to see all of my grammar mistakes, the faded paper, etc.. But I wanted to share this on Father’s Day to once again encourage those of you struggling as well. You may not get to see your son or daughter today, as they may choose (or the mother may choose for them) to spend it with a new guy, with mommy or a step-father instead.

I know it hurts. It hurts to watch you and your child’s relationship melt and you seem to be the only one that cares. You know your child has no idea the impact that this is going to have in his or her life. But you hang in there. Never give up and cry to yourself if necessary. Emotions usually spring forth in the only way society allows men to grieve, and that’s through anger and violence. But you probably know that when you lose control in those arguments, you lose. She can just pick up her “toys” if you will, and go home. You look like the bad-guy, and to your child, you are that bad guy. Why? Read the essay below.

Make today a special day for yourself. It’s special because you are still there, whether your son or daughter understands right now or not.

Now this was written 14 years ago, but what do you think? How has your life experience been and does this theory fit your situation? Let me know in the comments below or email me.

So again, if that phone doesn’t ring or no one comes to visit, you at least get a heart felt Happy Father’s Day from CSD my man, and may God bless you.

Peace.

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Terrorism Strikes Directly At the African-American Church – Now What?

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I will be praying for my brothers and sisters in South Carolina. Who were the victims? See HERE.

Sadly, if you’ve been following Cornerstonedad over the last couple of years, we saw this day coming.

Family Bible Study tonight had us in Prov. 18. How fitting:

3 Doing wrong leads to disgrace,
and scandalous behavior brings contempt.

5 It is not right to acquit the guilty
or deny justice to the innocent.

I think if we study verse 5 first, then look at verse 3, we’ll see how we got to the terrorist attack in South Carolina. Video after video showing African-Americans getting beat down and killed for cigs, toy guns, running, swimming in the suburbs, going to the club, having a heart attack (none of those were exaggerations, look them up). So many found “innocent” or not even tried in court so justice cannot be found. It was and still is, only a matter of time before other white supremacists consider themselves doing “the Lord’s work”, ‘making this country a better place”, and “taking their country back”. Yes, it is breeding more and more contempt against African-Americans. As Solomon said, there’s nothing new under the sun…

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1.) My first response on hearing the news this morning: Still don’t think we’re in Jim Crow 2.0? Is this a 2015 or 1955? Also, this is not a “Hate Crime”, lets define it by what it is, this is terrorism! Remember African-Americans folks, terrorists from the Middle East ranked behind Patriot-groups as the #1 threat in this country.

2.) So I’ve been at work all day and I’m just seeing the news coverage on the terrorist massacre in S.C.. I’m so amazed seeing all of these images of African-American’s praying, holding hands, talking about forgiveness. However, with the exception of the Amish community, these images are not shown of Caucasians doing the same thing when a terrorist act is done against them. If anything, as a whole, we see “action” shots politically, with law enforcement, vigilante justice and even antagonistic rallies like those seen against Islam right now. Please reject and encourage our children to reject this “good negro” position.

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As Chaedria LaBouvier said HERE, “You tell us to be non-violent and pray – and be like Martin Luther King, the non-violent man whom White supremacy blew to smithereens – but yet, you follow us into those houses of worship, spilling them over with your violence.”

3.) The other day, news hit about an African-American felon, who had committed ID theft 11 years ago, who shot the family dog that attacked his daughter. He was being charged with several charges because as a felon and should not have been involved with a firearm. So why is this a racial issue that involves inequity in the prison pipeline system? Now lets look at today. This thug Dylann Storm Roof, “was arrested twice earlier this year, according to the Lexington County Sheriff’s department, which told TIME he had been booked at the Lexington County Detention Center on Feb. 28 and April 26, after being arrested by the Columbia Police Department. Local reports have said he was arrested at least once on drug charges. NPR has published the incident reports from the February and April arrests, which took place at the Columbiana mall in Columbia, South Carolina.” according to Time.com. 

So my question is, a.) how is he not in prison which leads to b.) how was he allowed access to a firearm? So if we’re going to end up talking about gun control, lets start here.

4.) This is why we have to play chess with our language. As I said, CALL THIS TERRORISM! When Jewish synagogs were being threatened by terrorism, Time magazine reported, “Many Jewish leaders say their synagogues are already armed with security systems, special glass, indoor-outdoor cameras and lighting to thwart unwanted visitors. A growing number of temples have received state homeland security grants for security upgrades to their facilities since 9/11.”

5.) What’s really sad, as that we have no African-American major media outlets to even cover this terrorist act.

6.) This one goes out to my church-folks that love them some Fox news. The terrorist attack in S.C. is about religious freedom and nothing about gun control. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people right? I agree. So… this Sunday, will you be profiling/searching all of the young white males that enter into your congregation? Come on, even the Washington Post brought this up a couple of years ago. So how can you possibly feel safe this Sunday? I think we really need to pray from the pulpit about the violence going on with this demographic. See HERE.

I asked the question HERE, and I wonder what the response will be from lighter-skinned Christians. Now “your own” have come up under attack. Will you defend them or your ethnicity? By and large, I bet the narrative gets changed, this will be forgotten, and most will act like nothing ever happened.

Until something happens to the dominant group or homosexuality comes up then it’s, “Oh, God is going to punish this nation for it’s wickedness…why can’t we just go back to the good old days!”

No thanks, but does it matter, we’re going back in time whether I like it or not.

CSD

Must Read Article: “I’m a black ex-cop, and this is the real truth about race and policing”

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Why have I been blogging about race and police violence so much? Because it is kids that look like mine that are dying and most in this country do not care, because it’s not their problem. But I fear for my sons and if you have darker skin and are reading this, yours as well.

No matter how much we teach them “proper manners”,  how to dress and give a firm handshake, home school them and teach them to remain sexually pure…when the LEO sees them walking, riding a bike (yes, look it up), and of course driving, those lights are getting tripped because our boys are seen as the face of criminal behavior regardless of what the statistics say. It’s in our country’s DNA, and this is why we cannot ignore, and I will not on this blog, the racial component. Therefore, any action even viewed (e.g. Tamir Rice) as defiant can end in death. At best, the LEO will approach them like they’re dealing with a gang member, not the 4x per week, active youth group, mission-taking, home schooled, authority-respecting young man that you’ve tried to raise.

That part, I can tell you from experience, has never changed in this country.

That leads me to today’s post. This is the best article that I’ve read so far concerning the police violence that we are hearing about regularly today.

Personally, I’m tired of the ignorant straw-man arguments about LEOs. Many still use the “you don’t understand how hard it is…” like some Uno Draw Four card to win the discussion. First, that certainly doesn’t work on me, as I know that one doesn’t have to “be in the shoes” to judge right and wrong. If that’s the case, most of the people saying, “What about black-on-black” crime?” have no validity as many are not “black”.

That said, here’s someone who has been there, so what do you think he has to say? Here are some excerpts:

“On any given day, in any police department in the nation, 15 percent of officers will do the right thing no matter what is happening. Fifteen percent of officers will abuse their authority at every opportunity. The remaining 70 percent could go either way depending on whom they are working with. That’s a theory from my friend K.L. Williams, who has trained thousands of officers around the country in use of force…”.

“And I worked with people like the president of my police academy class, who sent out an email after President Obama won the 2008 election that included the statement, “I can’t believe I live in a country full of ni**er lovers!!!!!!!!” He patrolled the streets in St. Louis in a number of black communities with the authority to act under the color of law.”

“It is not only white officers who abuse their authority. The effect of institutional racism is such that no matter what color the officer abusing the citizen is, in the vast majority of those cases of abuse that citizen will be black or brown. That is what is allowed.”

“The profession — the endeavor — is noble. But this myth about the general goodness of cops obscures the truth of what needs to be done to fix the system…Institutional racism runs throughout our criminal justice system. Its presence in police culture, though often flatly denied by the many police apologists that appear in the media now, has been central to the breakdown in police-community relationships for decades in spite of good people doing police work.”

“Beyond the many unarmed blacks killed by police, including recently Freddie Gray in Baltimore, other police abuses that don’t result in death foment resentment, distrust, and malice toward police in black and brown communities all over the country. Long before Darren Wilson shot and killed unarmed Michael Brown last August, there was a poisonous relationship between the Ferguson, Missouri, department and the community it claimed to serve. For example, in 2009 Henry Davis was stopped unlawfully in Ferguson, taken to the police station, and brutally beaten while in handcuffs. He was then charged for bleeding on the officers’ uniforms after they beat him.”

“About that 15 percent of officers who regularly abuse their power: a major problem is they exert an outsize influence on department culture and find support for their actions from ranking officers and police unions. Chicago is a prime example of this:…The victims were electrically shocked, suffocated, and beaten into false confessions that resulted in many of them being convicted and serving time for crimes they didn’t commit.  One man, Darrell Cannon, spent 24 years in prison for a crime he confessed to but didn’t commit. He confessed when officers repeatedly appeared to load a shotgun and after doing so each time put it in his mouth and pulled the trigger. Other men received electric shocks until they confessed.”

“This allows him to leave viewers with the impression that the recent protests against police brutality are baseless, and that allegations of racism are “totally wrong — just not true.” The reality of police abuse is not limited to a number of “very small incidents” that have impacted black people nationwide, but generations of experienced and witnessed abuse.The media is complicit in this myth-making: notice that the interviewer does not challenge Safir. She doesn’t point out, for example, the over $1 billion in settlementsthe NYPD has paid out over the last decade and a half for the misconduct of its officers. She doesn’t reference the numerous accounts of actual black or Hispanic NYPD officers who have been profiled and even assaulted without cause when they were out of uniform by white NYPD officers.”

“Instead she leads him with her questions to reference the heroism, selflessness, risk, and sacrifice that are a part of the endeavor that is law enforcement, but very clearly not always characteristic of police work in black and brown communities. The staging for this interview — US flag waving, somber-faced officers — is wash, rinse, and repeat with our national media. When you take a job as a police officer, you do so voluntarily. You understand the risks associated with the work. But because you signed on to do a dangerous job does not mean you are then allowed to violate the human rights, civil rights, and civil liberties of the people you serve. It’s the opposite. You should protect those rights, and when you don’t you should be held accountable. That simple statement will be received by police apologists as “anti-cop.”  It is not.”

Please read the full article HERE!

This one needs to be bookmarked if you’re tired of some of those discussions as well.

 

CSD Christmas Memories From Lillpappa

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This year was one of the roughest Christmas’s financially that we’ve honestly had in quite a while. But then again, does it really matter as I said in my last post here?

My kids didn’t get sheltered this year, and have received the same speech my job gives me every year. My job basically says, “You’ve performed great this year…but do to circumstances beyond our control like the economy, higher insurance costs, customers who aren’t increasing their orders…this is all we can do.”

So as my dad used to say, “Do you think the electric company, gas company, house note people tell me I don’t have to pay this month because it’s Christmas?”

Boy do I understand those words in a whole new way now. Perhaps more-so, because Lillpappa didn’t have Sallie Mae to throw in there as well!

However, Lillpappa would always try to get the three of us one “big” gift, and sometimes I could only imagine the looks on our faces when we unwrapped that gift.

This year I was again remembering one of the craziest gifts ever.

Let me set this one up.

This was around the time the Atari 2600 was jumping off the shelves. Kids in and out the ‘hood were getting this for a couple of Christmas’s and my brother, sister and I were expecting to finally get our family’s first video game system. So this Christmas was it, Black “Lillpappa” Santa was about to hook us up!

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SIKE!

I can’t remember who opened it, but I just remember seeing that box and…what…what is THAT?

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It’s the Bally/Astrocade!
What is that you asked? Yea, we asked that as well…

It was the Bally Astrocade! To this day, I have NEVER met anyone who had one of these systems. Let me repeat that, NEVER!

Now my dad is good for cutting-against-the-grain, but this might have been his best one ever. I’m sure this game system was a lot more powerful than we thought, but because it wasn’t an Atari, it didn’t matter to us too much. Obviously somebody else in this world had one because there’s a website HERE devoted to this great game system. Plus, it even has a wiki page!

“On the front of the unit was a 24-key “hex-pad” keyboard used for selecting games and options. Most cartridges included two games, and when they were inserted the machine would reset and display a menu starting with the programs on the cartridge and then listing the four built-in programs. On the back were a number of ports, including connectors for power, the controllers, and an expansion port. One oddity was that the top rear of the unit was empty, and could be opened to store up to 15 cartridges. The system’s ability to be upgraded from a Videogame console to Personal computer along with its library of nearly 30 games in 1982 are some reasons that made it more versatile than its main competitors, and was listed by Jeff Rovin as one of the seven major video game suppliers.”

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bally_Astrocade

Now, if you know Lillpappa, any look of disappointment would have meant that the bad-boy was going back to get returned and all we would have had to play with for Christmas would have been the wrapping paper! But reflecting on it today, he probably knew. The Atari was going for around $200, and that was in the late ’70s, so it would have been an extremely expensive purchase. But my dad still came through with something on that day when he didn’t have to do so. He always reminded us that he gave us Christmas all year long and that was no lie. Whether it was the trips to California, the Hot Wheels, baseball cards, GI Joes and dolls (the dolls were for my sister just so you all understand). We lacked nothing as we lived on his sole income in our household. Sure, I wanted whatever was hot at that time, (later it would be an Intellivision and Colecovision), but lacked nothing.

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Tecmo Bowl! Hut-Hut-Hut-Hut!!!!

 

 

 

 

So, not only am I thankful for my Savior this holiday season, I’m thankful for the sacrifices made by the real Santa Claus, the one that worked 16-hours shifts, drove some beat-up cars, paid for our private school, etc.. He did all of this when the lights, gas, insurance, mortgage company and so on still wanted their money by Christmas.

Thanks Dad. The older I get, the more I appreciate the sacrifices, and days like today amplify it even more for me.

Thank you Lord, for providing him a job, us a house, and plenty of food. I was a fat kid growing up so I certainly never missed a meal.

So as you open presents this morning, I leave you with a couple of jams that played in the background every year and a playlist that I put on every year with my family as well (sorry, no Bing Crosby in our house):