A Time For Change

Men – I certainly haven’t been around much at Furious Fathering. Homeschooling, shifting home priorities and the focus on becoming a better man for 2017 has made me cut my computer usage dramatically. Too much time on the keyboard and not enough time building a better life and relationships were impacting my world.

That said, I’m going to let some of you guys know that I’m not going to be mixing words very much on this page. I’ve been a bit cautious in what I say to not alienate anyone, but that’s about to change. There are too many men, especially young fathers, that need the straight truth, because no one is really giving it to them, and no one ever gave it to me. I cannot sit idly by and address the issues the same way many in society do every day. In the end, it is producing wimpy men that do not deserve to have their kids, because they will produce little skinny jean wearing confused “men” that will soon be used to destroy the rest of our community. Also, their special “baby momma” will have her ego fed even more and pull the same lame but effective game on the next guy she traps, urrrr loves, or needs as she’s hitting 30 and realizing nobody is checking for her anymore. So it’s time to settle down with that “nice guy”.

Are you that guy?

So if you aren’t ready for some iron-sharpen-iron discussions, you may want to drop out. If you think your life will be better if your special little snowflake that trapped you and pumped out your golden egg came back to you, you might wanna drop out. If you don’t want to see comments that rebuke the belief that your wife or your momma are the next best thing to Mary mother of Jesus, you might want to bounce. You’ve been warned. However, if you want to stay around and see where things go, challenge and exchange, then let’s get Furious with this dialogue, and become/build a better place for real father’s to come and learn how to lead.

Do You Think The NCAA Is Racist? Boyce Watkins Makes An Argument, That Should Make You Think

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In upcoming podcasts, I’m going to touch on sports and its impact on our dreams, our children, and our parenting. Dr. Boyce Watkins of Your Black World and Financial Juneteenth, breaks down exactly where I plan to go on the topic. (If you can’t see the video, click HERE).

 

Although many parents still claim, “grades before games” or “we just play to learn important life lessons”, my years as both an athlete, trainer of athletes, and kids who have played a combined 40 years (that is a lot of mileage racked up on my cars and body carrying folding chairs) tell me other wise. For many, when that child shows athletic skill that transcends the average, and whispers begin, “…they could even get a scholarship”, “scouts may be coming to the school to see them play…” and the goal changes.

As I’ve discussed before, the idea for us to homeschool our children came from one of my athletes. It was at that moment I learned that many athletes, like celebrities, get homeschooled to take advantage of personal training and coaching. For some reason, the “what about socialization” question goes out the door, and in comes the “you have to do what you have to do to get to the top!”

Now for parents of black athletes, they really must make a conscious effort to put each opportunity in perspective.

How much of our child’s life are you willing to give to the school?

Are you willing to let them do anything to your son or daughter, just because they promise them a chance to the professional level?

Is some coach promising to be “dad”, when YOU are the father?

What is your child focusing on right now, athletics or academics?

What will your child do with his or her life if they do not make it to the professional level?

So check out Boyce and his other projects as well, as I’ll be promoting more of his great work that continues to expand.

In the comments below, I’d love to hear any stories you have on athletes that you know that beat, or were beaten, by the system.

Revenge of the Homeschooling Dad: Slave Trade Video Game

Reason number 1,652 that we should be teaching our children that truth at home.

All I can say is watch this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_Pfzv_71BY

Perhaps I could give them the benefit of the doubt if they had a Holocaust version as well. But I wonder why they do not?

I wonder if the game covered the lynchings, rape, family disconnection, in all it’s graphic and horrible detail like Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto? Not that it makes it much better, but it would certainly show the inhuman sociological foundation our country is built upon.

To make a game such as this only reinforces the “purpose” for Africans in America, and that is what causes outrage. Now, I may have a different consideration of the game captures the amount of wealth that was created, passed down and still utilized from free slave labor. Is there an alternate ending of what America would have become WITHOUT slavery? It’s a video game right? So we can let our imaginations run wild.

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Overall, this is what happens when places either have a lack of diversity or, it could even have been created by a descendent of a slave who now views him or herself from the perspective of the dominant society.

Sadly, the latter is the part that no video game could possibly capture. However, it has been the longest lasting effect of “African Immigration” (as some history books say).

CSD

 

Sometimes, Do As I Say and Not As I Do, Can Save Your Eternal Life

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If God only used perfect people to get his work done, he would never have any workers. If we set our eyes on some man and ministry, we will see things that will make us stumble, so keep your eyes on God. This is never to excuse our shortcomings, but it’s amazing that scripture exposes the weaknesses and sins of every “hero” in its pages.

Perhaps one of the reasons God exposes the weakness of men in the bible is because it points to their need for a Savior. We cannot read scripture and worship Abraham, Moses, David, Paul, etc.. Their weaknesses point to the one who will deliver them, and He is our deliverance as well today.

Romans 7:23 – but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.24Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?

CSD Saying Happy Father’s Day With Never Released Before Content

First, Happy Father’s Day to all my CSDs out there!

You know, it seems just like yesterday. The years I spent as a single-dad when my son was between 10-15 years old were the worst compared to the other 13 years. During this time period, I was struggling financially and trying to finish school to earn my degree, with the hope of coming up in this land of milk-n-honey. I was also trying to provide for my other children that were being born with my wife and also going to work at various places meant days that never ended and stress that felt like I was carrying a weight 24/7.

My poor sociology teacher had to read all about my struggles, as I poured my heart out in essay after essay. My son was at an age where he could choose (he was not given that “right” by me, but by his mom and the court) whether he wanted to come over to my home or not, and oftentimes for various reasons, he would not. Perhaps the ultimate knife in my chest was when he told the referee that he did not want to come to my home, as there were too many rules, he did not have fun and all we did was go over his grandparent’s house. My heart stopped beating that day in the court room, as I was fighting to maintain the visitation rights that I fought for when he was just a baby. I thought, “And this is how I get paid back?” “I’m being treated worse than Cain who said, ‘It ain’t mine’ and bounced. For those who have seen Menace To Society, they know what I’m talking about.

But it was all of those experiences that moved me to create this blog years later.

The essay below was one that I wrote in 2001 for my Social Science Theory class. My superb professor had us all develop a theory by the end of the semester, as she knew that social and psychological theories that change the world are not only born when you have a Ph.D.. So it is in the environment above that I have described, that my Alliance Theory was born. When I performed my research for the paper (yes, done without the internet and we had just got a computer for me to type this on), I learned that my theory had basically been previously presented and was known as Parental Alienation Syndrome.

I’ve never shared this publicly, and I’m posting pictures of the essay until I can type a more recent edition. Therefore, you get to see all of my grammar mistakes, the faded paper, etc.. But I wanted to share this on Father’s Day to once again encourage those of you struggling as well. You may not get to see your son or daughter today, as they may choose (or the mother may choose for them) to spend it with a new guy, with mommy or a step-father instead.

I know it hurts. It hurts to watch you and your child’s relationship melt and you seem to be the only one that cares. You know your child has no idea the impact that this is going to have in his or her life. But you hang in there. Never give up and cry to yourself if necessary. Emotions usually spring forth in the only way society allows men to grieve, and that’s through anger and violence. But you probably know that when you lose control in those arguments, you lose. She can just pick up her “toys” if you will, and go home. You look like the bad-guy, and to your child, you are that bad guy. Why? Read the essay below.

Make today a special day for yourself. It’s special because you are still there, whether your son or daughter understands right now or not.

Now this was written 14 years ago, but what do you think? How has your life experience been and does this theory fit your situation? Let me know in the comments below or email me.

So again, if that phone doesn’t ring or no one comes to visit, you at least get a heart felt Happy Father’s Day from CSD my man, and may God bless you.

Peace.

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Terrorism Strikes Directly At the African-American Church – Now What?

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I will be praying for my brothers and sisters in South Carolina. Who were the victims? See HERE.

Sadly, if you’ve been following Cornerstonedad over the last couple of years, we saw this day coming.

Family Bible Study tonight had us in Prov. 18. How fitting:

3 Doing wrong leads to disgrace,
and scandalous behavior brings contempt.

5 It is not right to acquit the guilty
or deny justice to the innocent.

I think if we study verse 5 first, then look at verse 3, we’ll see how we got to the terrorist attack in South Carolina. Video after video showing African-Americans getting beat down and killed for cigs, toy guns, running, swimming in the suburbs, going to the club, having a heart attack (none of those were exaggerations, look them up). So many found “innocent” or not even tried in court so justice cannot be found. It was and still is, only a matter of time before other white supremacists consider themselves doing “the Lord’s work”, ‘making this country a better place”, and “taking their country back”. Yes, it is breeding more and more contempt against African-Americans. As Solomon said, there’s nothing new under the sun…

Original Terrorists

1.) My first response on hearing the news this morning: Still don’t think we’re in Jim Crow 2.0? Is this a 2015 or 1955? Also, this is not a “Hate Crime”, lets define it by what it is, this is terrorism! Remember African-Americans folks, terrorists from the Middle East ranked behind Patriot-groups as the #1 threat in this country.

2.) So I’ve been at work all day and I’m just seeing the news coverage on the terrorist massacre in S.C.. I’m so amazed seeing all of these images of African-American’s praying, holding hands, talking about forgiveness. However, with the exception of the Amish community, these images are not shown of Caucasians doing the same thing when a terrorist act is done against them. If anything, as a whole, we see “action” shots politically, with law enforcement, vigilante justice and even antagonistic rallies like those seen against Islam right now. Please reject and encourage our children to reject this “good negro” position.

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As Chaedria LaBouvier said HERE, “You tell us to be non-violent and pray – and be like Martin Luther King, the non-violent man whom White supremacy blew to smithereens – but yet, you follow us into those houses of worship, spilling them over with your violence.”

3.) The other day, news hit about an African-American felon, who had committed ID theft 11 years ago, who shot the family dog that attacked his daughter. He was being charged with several charges because as a felon and should not have been involved with a firearm. So why is this a racial issue that involves inequity in the prison pipeline system? Now lets look at today. This thug Dylann Storm Roof, “was arrested twice earlier this year, according to the Lexington County Sheriff’s department, which told TIME he had been booked at the Lexington County Detention Center on Feb. 28 and April 26, after being arrested by the Columbia Police Department. Local reports have said he was arrested at least once on drug charges. NPR has published the incident reports from the February and April arrests, which took place at the Columbiana mall in Columbia, South Carolina.” according to Time.com. 

So my question is, a.) how is he not in prison which leads to b.) how was he allowed access to a firearm? So if we’re going to end up talking about gun control, lets start here.

4.) This is why we have to play chess with our language. As I said, CALL THIS TERRORISM! When Jewish synagogs were being threatened by terrorism, Time magazine reported, “Many Jewish leaders say their synagogues are already armed with security systems, special glass, indoor-outdoor cameras and lighting to thwart unwanted visitors. A growing number of temples have received state homeland security grants for security upgrades to their facilities since 9/11.”

5.) What’s really sad, as that we have no African-American major media outlets to even cover this terrorist act.

6.) This one goes out to my church-folks that love them some Fox news. The terrorist attack in S.C. is about religious freedom and nothing about gun control. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people right? I agree. So… this Sunday, will you be profiling/searching all of the young white males that enter into your congregation? Come on, even the Washington Post brought this up a couple of years ago. So how can you possibly feel safe this Sunday? I think we really need to pray from the pulpit about the violence going on with this demographic. See HERE.

I asked the question HERE, and I wonder what the response will be from lighter-skinned Christians. Now “your own” have come up under attack. Will you defend them or your ethnicity? By and large, I bet the narrative gets changed, this will be forgotten, and most will act like nothing ever happened.

Until something happens to the dominant group or homosexuality comes up then it’s, “Oh, God is going to punish this nation for it’s wickedness…why can’t we just go back to the good old days!”

No thanks, but does it matter, we’re going back in time whether I like it or not.

CSD

Must Read Article: “I’m a black ex-cop, and this is the real truth about race and policing”

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Why have I been blogging about race and police violence so much? Because it is kids that look like mine that are dying and most in this country do not care, because it’s not their problem. But I fear for my sons and if you have darker skin and are reading this, yours as well.

No matter how much we teach them “proper manners”,  how to dress and give a firm handshake, home school them and teach them to remain sexually pure…when the LEO sees them walking, riding a bike (yes, look it up), and of course driving, those lights are getting tripped because our boys are seen as the face of criminal behavior regardless of what the statistics say. It’s in our country’s DNA, and this is why we cannot ignore, and I will not on this blog, the racial component. Therefore, any action even viewed (e.g. Tamir Rice) as defiant can end in death. At best, the LEO will approach them like they’re dealing with a gang member, not the 4x per week, active youth group, mission-taking, home schooled, authority-respecting young man that you’ve tried to raise.

That part, I can tell you from experience, has never changed in this country.

That leads me to today’s post. This is the best article that I’ve read so far concerning the police violence that we are hearing about regularly today.

Personally, I’m tired of the ignorant straw-man arguments about LEOs. Many still use the “you don’t understand how hard it is…” like some Uno Draw Four card to win the discussion. First, that certainly doesn’t work on me, as I know that one doesn’t have to “be in the shoes” to judge right and wrong. If that’s the case, most of the people saying, “What about black-on-black” crime?” have no validity as many are not “black”.

That said, here’s someone who has been there, so what do you think he has to say? Here are some excerpts:

“On any given day, in any police department in the nation, 15 percent of officers will do the right thing no matter what is happening. Fifteen percent of officers will abuse their authority at every opportunity. The remaining 70 percent could go either way depending on whom they are working with. That’s a theory from my friend K.L. Williams, who has trained thousands of officers around the country in use of force…”.

“And I worked with people like the president of my police academy class, who sent out an email after President Obama won the 2008 election that included the statement, “I can’t believe I live in a country full of ni**er lovers!!!!!!!!” He patrolled the streets in St. Louis in a number of black communities with the authority to act under the color of law.”

“It is not only white officers who abuse their authority. The effect of institutional racism is such that no matter what color the officer abusing the citizen is, in the vast majority of those cases of abuse that citizen will be black or brown. That is what is allowed.”

“The profession — the endeavor — is noble. But this myth about the general goodness of cops obscures the truth of what needs to be done to fix the system…Institutional racism runs throughout our criminal justice system. Its presence in police culture, though often flatly denied by the many police apologists that appear in the media now, has been central to the breakdown in police-community relationships for decades in spite of good people doing police work.”

“Beyond the many unarmed blacks killed by police, including recently Freddie Gray in Baltimore, other police abuses that don’t result in death foment resentment, distrust, and malice toward police in black and brown communities all over the country. Long before Darren Wilson shot and killed unarmed Michael Brown last August, there was a poisonous relationship between the Ferguson, Missouri, department and the community it claimed to serve. For example, in 2009 Henry Davis was stopped unlawfully in Ferguson, taken to the police station, and brutally beaten while in handcuffs. He was then charged for bleeding on the officers’ uniforms after they beat him.”

“About that 15 percent of officers who regularly abuse their power: a major problem is they exert an outsize influence on department culture and find support for their actions from ranking officers and police unions. Chicago is a prime example of this:…The victims were electrically shocked, suffocated, and beaten into false confessions that resulted in many of them being convicted and serving time for crimes they didn’t commit.  One man, Darrell Cannon, spent 24 years in prison for a crime he confessed to but didn’t commit. He confessed when officers repeatedly appeared to load a shotgun and after doing so each time put it in his mouth and pulled the trigger. Other men received electric shocks until they confessed.”

“This allows him to leave viewers with the impression that the recent protests against police brutality are baseless, and that allegations of racism are “totally wrong — just not true.” The reality of police abuse is not limited to a number of “very small incidents” that have impacted black people nationwide, but generations of experienced and witnessed abuse.The media is complicit in this myth-making: notice that the interviewer does not challenge Safir. She doesn’t point out, for example, the over $1 billion in settlementsthe NYPD has paid out over the last decade and a half for the misconduct of its officers. She doesn’t reference the numerous accounts of actual black or Hispanic NYPD officers who have been profiled and even assaulted without cause when they were out of uniform by white NYPD officers.”

“Instead she leads him with her questions to reference the heroism, selflessness, risk, and sacrifice that are a part of the endeavor that is law enforcement, but very clearly not always characteristic of police work in black and brown communities. The staging for this interview — US flag waving, somber-faced officers — is wash, rinse, and repeat with our national media. When you take a job as a police officer, you do so voluntarily. You understand the risks associated with the work. But because you signed on to do a dangerous job does not mean you are then allowed to violate the human rights, civil rights, and civil liberties of the people you serve. It’s the opposite. You should protect those rights, and when you don’t you should be held accountable. That simple statement will be received by police apologists as “anti-cop.”  It is not.”

Please read the full article HERE!

This one needs to be bookmarked if you’re tired of some of those discussions as well.

 

Sundown 2015: Lindenhurst Residents Appalled By Letter Targeting Them For Their Race

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I’ve been studying Sundown towns quite a bit over the last few months. Therefore, this story really jumped out at me. James Loewen speaks of many towns that were still sundown as recent as the 2000s! So this isn’t some old civil rights issue that went out with MLK. No, this is STILL going on in America. Like all Sundown towns, there’s no surprise that this is in the north…New York to be exact:

“LINDENHURST, N.Y. (CBSNewYork) — Blatant racism has struck on Long Island, as a black family got a letter imploring them to leave their town because of their race.

As CBS2’s Dave Carlin reported, the case is being investigated by Suffolk County police Hate Crimes Unit.

Ronica Copes of Lindenhurst read the letter aloud. She could not stomach the shocking anonymous letter sent to her home this week.

Attn: African-American family. This is coming from the Lindenhurst community,” the letter reads. “Lindenhurst is 84% white population. You don’t belong here. Please leave Lindenhurst as soon as you can. It will be better for all of us. Find a town where there are more people like you. Sorry if this is rude, but it’s the truth.

Source: http://newyork.cbslocal.com/

Read the rest of the story HERE.

Imagine dad, you move to an area, living the supposed “American Dream”, and you receive this letter, what would you do?

 

If You Ain’t Cheating, You Ain’t Winning or Does Cheating Show A Deeper Problem In an Athlete’s Life?

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Dad’s, with all of the cheating that is going on in sports these days, how do you talk to your kids about this issue?

It’s hardly new. “Back in my day”, I wanted to throw a knuckler like Phil and Joe Niekro and a spitball like Gaylord Perry. Those were fun guys and Joe and Gaylord were cheaters, but hey, it was funny right? Did George Brett really mean to run Pine Tar that far up on the bat?

Come on! Lighten up!

Now this was before we really got serious on baseball cheaters like McGwire, Sosa, Bond (allegedly), A-Rod and the list goes on and on in that sport. But then there’s “Stickum” in football, anabolic steroids, growth hormone in almost every Olympic sport, blood doping in cycling, academic cheating from junior high through college for basketball and football players, car modification cheating in racing…maybe it is true, if you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying!

So we really shouldn’t be tripping out about Tom Brady.

But this article in The Root breaks down that we do view and talk about cheaters differently, I highly recommend giving it a read.

Here are some of the highlights:

“If he were black, people would be calling him a criminal and saying that his behavior reflected some innate values. They would blame hip-hop, single mothers and the culture of poverty. If he were a black player, the conversation wouldn’t be about Goodell or the system but how the lack of a work ethic and morals led him to cut corners, to win “by any means necessary.” If he were black, the conversation would turn to affirmative action and how he was forced to cheat because he lacked the skills needed to excel at this elite level….Brady demonstrates yet again that whites are innocent … until proved innocent. Any evidence to the contrary proves that the system is flawed, that we have a miscarriage of justice.”

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Dad’s when you’re having this discussion with your kids, do you unknowingly talk differently based on the color of the athlete?

It’s something to think about and it’s how we teach our children about so-called race, without ever talking about race in our homes. Then we proudly exclaim to the world, “I teach my kids that skin color doesn’t matter, everybody should be treated the same!”

So do you treat everyone the same in your actions and judgements on who’s a cheater and who isn’t? Perhaps this is a good discussion to have with ourselves first, and then our children as well.

CSD