A couple of weeks ago, our church started a group of meetings called the Life Action Summit. Quite honestly, my percentage level to attend was under 50%, as those “revival” type meetings are usually full of bad theology, financial begging, and as my boy Rob would say, “Momma-say-momma-sa-mumombusa”…in other words…speaking in tongues with no sign of an interpretation coming from anywhere.
All I can say is: OUCH.
I went for 11 days and:
Many of the lessons that I heard exhorted me to return to my first love, Jesus Christ.
Many of the lessons that I heard exhorted me to return to the love and commitment I have for my wife.
But many of the other lessons the I heard exhorted me to return to being the father that I am supposed to be as well.
Now why am I writing this to you?
Even if you are not a Christian, I think what I’m about to say applies to you.
Do you need to return to the love you had for your children when they were born?
Like a wedding, I’ve found that parents have showers, celebrate, cry, tell everyone and are just so excited about becoming parents when the woman announces she’s pregnant and delivers the baby. However, after a few years, just like marriage, that loves seems to change.
From 0-5, they are cute and we are patient, as they discover this world and still have a smile that melts our hearts.
From 6-10, they’re not as cute and that smile now gets accompanied with a frown when they don’t have their way, and our patience lessens.
From 11-15, we often go through the motions as they become their own person that we like/dislike and our lives are full of school events, sports, and “stuff”.
From 16-18, we are just trying to endure to the end. We back off as to not “push them away”, as they scream silently, “Mom, Dad, would you please give me some direction and guidance?” Then high school graduation comes and as they walk across the stage we say, “Where did all the years go? There’s so much more I wish I could teach them…”.
Quite honestly, some parents say, “Get out! You’re 18 now!”
What happened to all the promises we told ourselves? Promises how we’d protect them, provide a stable household for them, tell them that they can always come to us, kisses and “I love you-goo-goo-ga-ga” accompanies with goofy faces.
Tonight, I’d like for you to reflect on whether you are truly still thankful for your children.
Next, ask yourself (and if you are really daring, your wife), if someone you didn’t know were to ask your kids, “Does your dad ACT AND SAY that he loves you?” What would the answer be to that person? What would your kids say?
So your CSD-homework assignment for this week? Tell your child/children that you love them. That’s it. I bet you acted like you did they were born, but what about now?
Let me know how it goes…
Photo taken at: Creation Museum
If you ever have an opportunity to go to a Life Action Summit, I cannot recommend it enough. It has certainly made a difference in my life and I’m not typing anything to you that I have not had to struggle with myself, as I’m far from the perfect dad. But over the last couple of weeks, I had the opportunity to sit with all five of my children and renew that love that I had for each one of them when they were brought into my life.
Just starting with “I Love You”, can be a way for you to begin that same journey as well.
There are a few “moment of silence” times in my house growing up that we all knew about. One was the chase scene from the movie, Bullitt with Steve McQueen. To this day, there is just no other chase scene that has all all the 5 W’s and 1 H down (my Journalism 101 folks know what I’m talking about).
Now I’ve never seen the entire movie, but whenever my dad would be watching it and that scene would come on, we would be glued to the TV with maximum volume. Hearing those guys banging gears in the ’68 390 ci. Mustang and the ’68 440 ci. Charger was melody to my young ears and why I love banging gears myself to this day.
My inner Steve McQueen comes out when I have my hand on the shiftball…and I have Bullitt wheels on my Stang as well!
So the video of the day is post-worthy, as Ken Block does it again, but this time in the most beautiful city I’ve ever seen, San Francisco. Seriously, I can’t even pull this stuff off in Forza, Gran Turismo, or Need For Speed without tearing up my car!
I got Bullitt flashbacks watching this one…but a Fiesta is no where nearly as cool…
So put the kids on you lap, enlarge the screen, and as always, turn those speakers up!
I don’t know about you, but my dad was much more like this guy…
…than this guy!
Father’s Day is around the corner and I want you to do old CSD a favor.
Is the message different that what you heard on Mother’s Day?
If your Mother’s Day message praised and exalted motherhood, do you expect the Father’s Day message to do the same?
Unfortunately, in many churches that I’ve belong to, the exact opposite happened. Father’s were lectured, told they needed to do more, and made-fun-of like and talked about like they are Homer Simpson more than Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus.
What is going on? Why don’t men go to church? Why are women having to drag men to church?
Check out this two part series on True Riches With The Mission Men and leave us your comments.
Are we way off? Right on the mark? Too sensitive? Is the problem worse than what we even discussed?
We’re on iTunes! Just click the link below to listen to Has The Church Become Too Feminized I and II.
When I heard the Toyota Prius C was coming out with its low price point (compared to other hybrid offerings), I was quite excited. After having one in the CornerstoneDad driveway for one night, I must confess, this ride is the real fuel-sipping deal as I nearly hit 60-mpg driving on rush hour traffic in my 45-mile commute.
New personal record of any car I’ve ever had in the CSD driveway
The styling of this $25,000 model was nearly identical to the new Yaris. I drove the Yaris a few months back and was thoroughly disappointed with the road noise and lack of amenities. However, the Prius C makes up for this by adding the usual hybrid video game-type feedback in the dash screen, iPod connector and easy-to-use radio interface. While the radio doesn’t shake the rearview mirror, it was more than adequate to drown out the road noise and wiper chatter I found from the Yaris. But who buys a hybrid for those things anyway?
The star of the show is the hybrid system. Toyota’s hybrid system works flawlessly as once the Prius C gets going, it quickly drops down to using more electric motor power and less engine power. Featuring a nickel-metal-hydride battery instead of the more modern lithium-ion battery chemistry, allows Toyota to keep the price down low in a lighter vehicle where power density is less of an issue. I DO think the Prius V (a sure CSD car of the year finalist) would benefit more from a lithium-ion battery, as the engine and battery have to work much harder to get the vehicle moving in traffic which decreases fuel economy to levels on par with a conventional engine-only vehicle without the added tech-cost. But the nickel works just fine in the Prius C.
For $25K, I’d definitely consider putting one in my driveway. I could put three kids in the back without hearing the usual, “Ouch, get off me” or “Move, can’t you’re sitting on my seatbelt”.
What do you think? Have you made the hybrid plunge and if not, could this be the vehicle to pull you in?
Homeruns:
– Toyota Hybrid System (THS), it’s everything it’s supposed to be – did I say I got almost 60-mpg?
– Good space in small package
– Telematics/info screen
– Weird seat material that actually looked and felt pretty good
– A decent driving car…for a hybrid
– You make people behind you on the phone mad because you don’t want to get out of EV-Mode
Strikeouts:
– Harsh ride had me afraid I’d blow out a tire on some of these mid-west roads…okay, that could happen in a Yukon as well but I’d at least keep my teeth-fillings
– Wind noise
– Brake regeneration-stopping feels risky when in stop-and-go traffic
– Some materials in the interior felt cheap, so just don’t touch those too often
– You make people behind you on the phone mad because you don’t want to get out of EV-Mode, so some get close to “push” you along.
Now, I also grew up listening to The Winans as they were on my dad’s approved music list. My close friend’s father used to pick us up in the Ford panel wagon LTD and she’d have a Winans tape jamming every morning on the way to school. When my family heard the song Tomorrow before I did, I remember them telling me, “We know you’re going to love that song” and they were right. To this day it’s still one of my favorites.
So it bothered me to hear that Marvin Winans was now a victim, especially knowing that he has tried to make a difference in the city.
I’ve listened to some on the radio that criticized him for stopping at a station with a Rolex and a purple Infiniti SUV. But knowing that his QX56 only gets 16 mpg, I’m sure he’s stopped at gas stations in Detroit numerous times without incident.
But not this time.
Plus, is it now THAT bad? It wasn’t THAT bad in the ’80’s. Back then, we watched a Fiero get stripped right across the street in a few minutes in the middle of the afternoon. But I don’t remember it being THIS bad. I’m I wrong or do I have those “back-in-my-day rose-colored glasses on”?
Also, just the week before, this incident happened and lets just say my man certainly didn’t look like he was displaying a Rolex to fake Ludacris you see in the video. (Note: That old-head got with phony-Luda and it’s sad he had to get a bunch of his “boys” to help him buck with a guy twice his age…and the punks hit an older woman too…those fools are hard right there.)
But the gentleman in the video above did everything right. He didn’t look scared and even spoke to the dudes respectfully and didn’t even call them niggas, like I’m sure they call each other. What did he get in return, a beatdown that could’ve been much worse and thankfully it was not for him and his wife.
Are things just THAT bad?
If we say that they are, then what?
My prediction? At the current progression, two scenarios are likely to play out.
1.) Drastic measures will not be taken until someone of European-descent gets beatdown or killed as the national outrage will cause leaders to speak up and the negative attention will reach past the Michigan border.
Does anyone remember the fireworks brawl that got caught on tape in the early ’90’s (and remember, that was before Youtube)?
2.) Notice the event happened at another gas station. Fuses are getting real short on gas stations as they aren’t calling police on crimes taking place on their property and if you do something that effects them, they shoot you. Lack of police response and growing animosity against the police are all making for fumes that could ignite with one “minor” incident.
Does anyone remember 1967?
Back in the day, we knew who Marvin or at least The Winans were because we went to church.
Dad, when was the last time you did THAT with you kid(s)?
I’m not even talking about whether your church is good or not, but at least it puts the moral compass in the right direction.
An atheist sees me and my boys (friends) crewed-up with hoodies, Kangols and Adidas on at night. Why would he/she breath easier seeing us with Bibles in our hands as we walk from the Mission instead of the gas station up the street?
All rights reserved by Detroit Liger
(We may look bad outside the Mission at night, but trust me, we’re harmless)
Why? Because they know that “religious fanatics” have a moral compass and they are glad about it, because if we didn’t and just believed that now is the only reality and there are no consequences for our behavior, then they may be stretched out on that sidewalk and not make it back home that night. In other words, I’m sure the atheist would be glad we hold the fanatical worldview and not their view in that situation.
Now Dad, do you know where your children are?
Whether living with you or not, are they hanging out in the street, doin-dirty?
Big Homie (7 yrs. old) and Boney (5 yrs. old) were playing. Big Homie was her boss and asked Boney to draw something.
Somewhere along the line, Boney said, “How much do I get paid for this?”
Big Homie said, “I do not have any money, so I’ll give you some Monopoly money.”
Boney expressed her concern of not being paid with real money.
Big Homie basically said, “You’re fired!”
Boney then decided that she will go in her room and barricade the door because, “…she didn’t want to be disturbed.” However, she really did not want to let him in.
What was her former boss’s response?
He offered her the job back, but through the door, she refused.
So his next action, was to go in his room and barricade himself behind the door!
Life lesson for those of us in the workplace?
If you treat your employees bad, one day, no matter how grateful you think they should be in this economy, they are going to leave and not come back.
If you’re an employee, it’s smart to find out how much you are going to get paid BEFORE doing the work. Because in the end, she has five other people in this house the she may be able to market her talent of drawing to, but she’s the cheapest labor that he can find…so his baricade might as well be for the bill-collectors when he has to close up shop.
In this episode, I interview my oldest boy Kory Devon on the Trayvon Martin killing. We discuss some of the issues he faces being a young man not far from Trayvon’s age group, whether people should use the “n-word”, and if America can ever get past its problem with race. Parents, if you have a problem with your children hearing such a frank discussion about race, then parental discussion is certainly advised.
I don’t feel old physically, well at least most of the time.
But every now and then I stumble across a video or song that makes me say, “Man, that song was out that long ago?”
Well, watching this video and hearing this song again definitely made me make that statement and it’s still one of my favorites to this day.
This was back before Busta Rhymes went all, well…Busta Rhymes on us and hip-hop was truly real. Can you imagine a rapper rhyming about how they don’t have a car these days? If anything, they rap more about the cars they don’t have, and have been doing so since the late ’90’s.
Do you remember this jam by the Leaders Of the New School? If so, what’s your favorite memory when this song was out and what were you driving?
I was bouncing my old ’79 Cutlass with a 305ci. out of a ’75 Nova that me and my friends dropped in. We thought we were the baddest around as my cousin and I popped a Holley dual-feed carb on top of a stock motor (insert laugh track there). The Delco radio in the Cutty was one of the best I’ve ever had, but the car itself had rust so bad, you could see the back wheel spinning if you pulled up the corner of the back seat! But believe it or not, the Cut-Dog lasted a few more owners as my dad took it off my hands and later one of my other boys would be the proud owner.
My oldest son and I had some good times cruising in that car, but it would get even better as The Stang would soon follow.
In CornerstoneDad’s house, Black History Month is not in February, it is all year. There is never just a month that we watch “Martin Luther The King” videos (as we used to say in my elementary school), Eyes on the Prize or something on American slavery. Sorry, history is history and truth is truth, and those topics should not just be discussed by families with parents who descended from slaves but by ALL families and schools in America if they are truly teaching history.
So while I did not want to write anything on slavery (or MLK) this month, my wife sent me this article that desires attention. An enormous mind-map could be created from the words of this former slave.
I’d love to hear your thoughts as you read the letter that can be found here.
Parents of all people groups should share this tremendous letter with their children to (and the fact that it’s Black History Month is a good excuse if you’ve never tackled racial issues in your family before) give them insight into American slavery. It helps explain:
– Why descendants of slaves in America share the same last name as their slave owner. [Notice both are named Anderson?]
– American slavery’s hierarchy was NOT like biblical slavery and the slaves were not employees. [Notice that Jourdon Anderson speaks of the attempted murder on his life as if this was no big deal or common?]
– The importance that Jourdon Anderson placed on education as obviously, he was a very intelligent man himself. [So not all slaves couldn’t read, write or do arithmetic.]
– How Jourdon overcame the stigma placed on him and his family in the north as people knew they were former slaves.
– How descendants of slaves started on an uneven playing field as they left fleeing for their lives in some cases like Jourdon, they started from nothing in a new location WITH FAMILIES and were never, ever compensated fairly for the work they had done for most of their lives [after 30 years, shouldn’t Jourdon have been retiring by American standards?]
– The faith and knowledge Jourdon had that God was going to judge and was still in control as he wrote, “We trust the good Maker has opened your eyes to the wrongs which you and your fathers have done to me and my fathers, in making us toil for you for generations without recompense” and later said, “Surely there will be a day of reckoning for those who defraud the laborer of his hire.”
Galations 6:7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. –
Ecclesiastes 12:14 For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.
Luke 12:4-5 Do not fear those who can kill the body and afterwards have no more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear the One who after He has killed has authority to cast into Hell; yes, I tell you, fear Him.
1 Timothy 1:8-11 8 We know that the law is good if one uses it properly. 9 We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, 10 for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine 11 that conforms to the gospel concerning the glory of the blessed God, which he entrusted to me.
(Don’t be mad at me, I didn’t say it, the Bible did…you know, we do claim to be a Christian country and all…right? “One nation, under God…”America…God shed his grace on thee…” and all those other things we learned in school…remember?)
There are many more points that could be brought up, but I’m going to ask that you chime in with a few from what you read.
To me, Joudon Anderson is a true American hero. While he will never have a county, school and other structures built in his honor like slave owners such as the Macomb’s in Michigan, he showed tremendous respect, dignity and wisdom in dealing with his former captor and deceiver.
…and you know, I have a feeling that if ole P.A. Anderson would have offered him the world financially, Mr. Jourdon Anderson still would not have returned “to his old master”.
I just know he’s the guy that dropped the classic line, “I love me some me!” and had the great pom-pom end zone celebration that seemed much less rehearsed than the weak Sharpie-in-the-sock celebration pulled in Seattle in 2002.
Yes, it’s been that long. Hard to believe, but the San Francisco 49ers finally eclipsed the success they had when TO was there this season, as he departed the team in 2003. Back in 1999, there was Terrell Owens, a receiver that looked like he could re-write the record books and quite honestly, he eased the pain of Jerry Rice leaving for 49er fans as his talent seemed limitless. He was in perfect shape, 6’3 220+lbs, with deep-speed where DB’s could hang with him from 0-40 yards but post-40, “bye-bye”.
But then TO was born.
Obviously TO had a lot of fun. The article states that the he earned over $80,000,000 (1). That number is not a typo. However, now Terrell Owens finds himself “broke” (dude’s apartment is still the size of my house plus he’s in L.A., and I have 6 people with me) after suffering a knee injury without a contract, at 38-years old, with big child-support payments. Turns out that TO made a ton of bad business investments and even blames agent Drew Rosenhaus for not protecting him. Over the years, TO has always blamed a lot of people for a lot of things. I just watch the ESPN-tabloid so I don’t know what’s true.
But who’s to blame for this four kids by different mothers? The article states,
Now he is in court with all four women, whom he lumps together like one big bloodsucking blob. None of them are being fair, he says: “They know I’m not working; they know the deal.” Although he never established regular visitation with any of the children through the courts, he says he sees the eldest three as much as he can when their mothers allow it. So bitter is his relationship with the mother of the youngest child, a son, that he has never met the boy. (1)
Now, before I continue on, you may ask, “Who am I to judge?” Well, I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to seek a child support reduction, have a tenuous relationship with my son’s mother and fight for visitation. I didn’t make $80 million dollars, I was making a few hundred dollars every two weeks, worried about the lights getting shut-off, and had to take out a zillion dollars in student loans just to go back to school and re-invent myself because I didn’t want my son working side-by-side with me when he turned 16 years old. So yes, I’ve been there TO.
But TO, you need to start fighting to see your kids, and not just “when their mothers allow it” and you need to find a way to be a dad to the youngest you are yet to meet.
Any other single-dad that’s reading this, let me tell you that you fight. You continue to fight. You never stop fighting. Amazing that a fool is willing to fight and kill over stepping on his Jordans, but will hide like a mouse from our own children. This is not because we don’t care, but because we’re scared.
Scared of confrontation.
Scared of our own emotions and how they make us vulnerable.
Scared of losing because we are not in control of the situation.
But you call yourself “Hard”?
How well do you fight your inner-TO?
I often hear Terrell Owens speak of his grandmother and the impact she had on his life. However, I’ve never heard him really talking about his father. Perhaps it was because he didn’t meet his dad until he was 11 years old (2). In a 2004 Sports Illustrated article, we discover,
“At age 11 Terrell developed a crush on a girl across the street and began sneaking over to flirt with her–until her father told him that he could not “be interested in her” because she was his half-sister. “It took me a while to understand that I was talking to my father,” Owens writes. When he asked his mother why she’d never told him that his father lived across the street, she said that “it wasn’t necessary to explain everything to me.”
TO asks for no sympathy because nothing in his experience has given him reason to expect any. But he is entitled to it just the same, and his critics who read this book might want to lay off him for a while. It’s not hard to understand why a man deprived of his father, deprived of his childhood, deprived of the words I love you, would develop a tendency to call attention to himself when he succeeds.”
That was Terrell Owens talking right there. A man making himself vulnerable. But TO takes over when that same man, who knows what it’s like to grow up with a father so close yet so far, turns around and continues the same cycle with his children.
If a good man is hard to find, then the impact of a bad father is even harder to get rid of.
Just as Terrell’s dad was right across the street, TO’s image will be just as close for his children as daddy is just one ESPN click, internet page, and reality show away from them.
For what it’s worth, and not because I’m a 49er fan, I think I’d like Terrell Owens if I met him in person and we hung out. He seems like a guy that I’d get along with and I’d certainly love to hit the steel with him. But it’s TO that I couldn’t roll with, and if the article is true, I don’t think Terrell even wants to roll with TO any longer. Therefore, I hope Terrell steps back up and becomes the man and the father he’s supposed to be to his kids.
Perhaps you’re a single dad or soon-to-be divorced dad and you’re having a hard time dealing with visitation. Don’t stop fighting to see them and having a relationship with your child(ren). It’s not about you and the mom any longer, so don’t let that relationship hinder you.
It’s not always easy, it’s not always fun, but when you look back and know that you fought for something worth for more than $80 million, then you have reason to celebrate like this:
Remember, you only have one shot at this, so do it right.
CSD
(1) Jeff Arnold, Terrell Owens In GQ: I’m In Hell, http://www.thepostgame.com/features/201201/terrell-owens-gq-jeremiah-trotter-told-me-not-apologize-donovan-mcnabb, January 2012
(2) Charles Hirshberg, Sympathy For The Showboat, http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1113703/index.htm, 2004
Furious Fathering 